Artistic Paralysis

What am I so afraid of? I am practically crippled with regards to writing. I know I don’t get much support or encouragement from people in my life to pursue my craft. In fact, it’s been a bit of a fearful reaction because I’m too confessional a writer. And perhaps, even worse, is the fact that I don’t nurture my own craft.

What is this sense of artistic paralysis that has come over me for the past year? Am I so afraid of rejection that I will eternally maintain a “failure to launch”?

I need to go out there and launch. And with that launch take some hits and rejection along the way. I am strong. I am tough enough to take some blows. Maybe that’s the difference between last year and this one. I can flex my creative muscles and go out there into the external world and launch into all of its unknown with some bravery.

Because like Elizbeth Gilbert said in her speech I too am “lit up from within” like those African dancers.

So let this be my next accomplishment – just launching – going out in the big world with my naked art and my emotions on my sleeve.

And then I will know that at the very least I faced my fears, looked my demons in the eyes, and graduated to a new point in my life. Sure this process may give me anxiety. But I have to look at the bigger picture: having written two books and failed to share them because I was too afraid of how the world would react. I think in the long run that will weigh heavier on me than my nerves being shot every time I hit send on an email to an agent or click publish on my blog.

Olé Elizabeth Gilbert. Olé.