I see with my eyes closed

Evolving shapes in mauve

Let light emanate from me

In my meditative state

I push my light out into the world

It starts with a spark within

I gently push all thoughts

Out of my mind

Repeating the mantra


I am aware without my thoughts

I exist happily in my

Sparkling rose essence

*”righteous Absolute of Attainment which a human being can achieve”



A Public Service Announcement From ME

Beware the following individuals are in our midst:


Users are the epitome of selfishness.  They are ego-centric, the world revolves around them.  They will take and take from good people and never once return the favor.  Once they have taken all that they can from you, you will be discarded without remorse.  Rehabilitation is close to impossible, do not think you can make an exception.  Don’t be surprised if they come looking for favors, usually sexual in nature, even after your relationship has ended.  They just haven’t found a new sucker to use yet.


Emotional vampires seek to suck the light right out of you.  They live in a dark hole of life, usually depressives not getting help.  They are attracted to emotional health, vibrancy, and enthusiasm.  They will steal your fire and suck the life right out of you until you become just like them, miserable.


Space cadets are emotionally decrepit people.  Do not try to analyze their disability.  I used to think that they couldn’t help that they are emotionally handicapped and it could be overlooked.  They are almost always physically beautiful.  And their aloofness may sometimes be attractive even, but this is a guaranteed heart-break.  They love having the upper hand of not caring to your ultimate downfall.


Trolls have no life, are almost always nerds, sometimes hoarders of sorts.  They are usually highly intelligent but beware they are known for stalking behavior and sometimes harassment.  Do not make the mistake of feeling sorry for them.  Once you give them an inch of attention, they will latch on to you.  They will shower you with attention and compliments.  This is obsession not love.  The moment you show any doubt to their character, they will unleash their troll fury on you.


Remember you are not here to be a savior to any of these people.  Let them find religion and become reborn on their own account.  If you see any of these people (they come in all shapes, genders, and nationalities, etc.),  RUN, don’t walk, away.

Artistic Paralysis

What am I so afraid of? I am practically crippled with regards to writing. I know I don’t get much support or encouragement from people in my life to pursue my craft. In fact, it’s been a bit of a fearful reaction because I’m too confessional a writer. And perhaps, even worse, is the fact that I don’t nurture my own craft.

What is this sense of artistic paralysis that has come over me for the past year? Am I so afraid of rejection that I will eternally maintain a “failure to launch”?

I need to go out there and launch. And with that launch take some hits and rejection along the way. I am strong. I am tough enough to take some blows. Maybe that’s the difference between last year and this one. I can flex my creative muscles and go out there into the external world and launch into all of its unknown with some bravery.

Because like Elizbeth Gilbert said in her speech I too am “lit up from within” like those African dancers.

So let this be my next accomplishment – just launching – going out in the big world with my naked art and my emotions on my sleeve.

And then I will know that at the very least I faced my fears, looked my demons in the eyes, and graduated to a new point in my life. Sure this process may give me anxiety. But I have to look at the bigger picture: having written two books and failed to share them because I was too afraid of how the world would react. I think in the long run that will weigh heavier on me than my nerves being shot every time I hit send on an email to an agent or click publish on my blog.

Olé Elizabeth Gilbert. Olé.

“To live in this world you must be able to do three things”

“To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.” – Mary Oliver

There’s no one like Mary Oliver.  She really touches a pulse, doesn’t she?  I know that I have done the first two things on her list fiercely.  I have been “loving” and “holding it against my bones” (I love those words) my entire life.  But letting it go, that is the hard part.  Letting it go is the freeing part.  This freedom is exactly what I need here in my little pocket.

So today, I start a new day, er well evening.  I’m done trying to make amends and righting wrongs and singing sad songs.  It’s time to let go of the attachments, positive or negative as they may be.  I’m getting back on the rollercoaster that is my life, throwing my hands up to the sky, and just “let it go.”  So tonight, may my hair wisp away in the wind, may my heart be empty as the night, and may my mind be filled with wonder like the stars.

Your dearest dream is coming true.


Easy now.
I beg you.
From the rains,
there is a stillness.
Curl up in that quiet.
Listen to the crying,
It’s coming from
Soul and gut.
Never again
Will I doubt
my own doubt
You played me
Like a drum and
I was so dumb
In love and committed
As a wife
Wearing no ring.
My value is
Not yours
For appraisal.
And you’re mad and
That these words
Make sense,
That I could
Make sense
Here in this canoe.
Swim down
Down stream
For I will not catch you
For I will throw you
Back in.