Valentines

Samma-araham*

I am blessed beyond measure.  My heart swells with the nourishing food your love provides.  I give you everything and I get back a thousand times more.  All the hardships, all the struggles, it is all worth it.  It makes our family stronger. 

I cry tears of joy for these blessings.  I pray to God with my gratitude.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  I pray that He continue to give me strength to keep doing my best.  And please don’t let me slip into doing any less. 

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Baby’s breath

Baby’s breath

A chorus of rain drops
Speeding cars
Wind blown branches
Are our lullaby tonight

I see your face in the
Night light
Little cherub cheeks
Long dark lashes
Like bird’s feathers

We cuddle under a blanket
Your tiny toes on my back
Your soft breaths
Like tiny white flower buds
In my hair

Everything
Everything
Was worth it
To get me to now
To get me to you

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Valentines

I am blessed beyond measure.  My heart swells with the nourishing food your love provides.  I give you everything and I get back a thousand times more.  All the hardships, all the struggles, it is all worth it.  It makes our family stronger. 

I cry tears of joy for these blessings.  I pray to God with my gratitude.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  I pray that He continue to give me strength to keep doing my best.  And please don’t let me slip into doing any less. 

 Image

No good ever came from loving you

No good ever came from loving you

And I gave of myself

And I gave

And I gave

Begging for

A crumb of reciprocity

 

I look back on our emails

And all the time I was

Devoted

You were such a prick

You knew how much I loved you

And still you used me

And shit

 

I know that in time

I will look back and know

That you were just an ebb

In my ocean’s flow

 

You are just a spoiled baby

And I am not afraid to say it

It’s not like you’re reading this

It’s not like you ever did

Read anything I wrote-

 

Not because you’re no reader

But because you could care less.

 

Nothing good ever came from you

Except my two dogs

And that is where I’ll leave this

Fucking song.

Still I can see… from a pause

I think of you from time to time.  And you are so many people.  I’m sure the reflection reflects back.  Play me some strings.  In fact, play me a song.  Or have you forgotten how?  Have you forgotten the music?  I almost did.   Perhaps it was a pause.  I can’t explain being on pause other than just stopping and that’s pretty accurate.  But there’s something violent in the impetus of a pause.  It takes something of a greater force to get going again.  And I will play you a song now.  How I forgive you…  How I wish you the world… How I wish you well…  I held on tight to a principle and paid a heavy burden.  And I realize I hold on a lot to this right and wrong while I judge you for judging and it’s a real hypocrisy that needs to stop.  But there’s only so much I can change.  The rest is fixed.  I only hope you forgive me too.  And I think you do.  There’s a light on in the hallway and it’s 4:30am.  I see.  I stand.  My hands toil this earth as do yours.  And mine’s always been outstretched in your direction.  It’s so quiet sometimes. I’ll wear a feather in my ear to symbolize flight.  I want to be like the honeybee working hard and sipping nectar.  And I think I am.  But would you believe me if I told you I suspect it’s a little harder for me with these emotions on my sleeve?

 

Here are the songs I was listening to while I wrote my rant from a pause.  Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcrEqIpi6sg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpGrcXJcVWE&feature=colike

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzoxFtsIV2o&feature=colike

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8f0hSU__zjw&feature=colike

 

Christmas

Christmas –

Under the North Star,

There’s a bend in time

There’s a mend in my mind

I put my hands up

I drove you out

And the galaxy smiled

Down on me…

 

There’s no better gift than this

No other gift

That gives like this

My present is my present

Belonging to no one other

Than me.

I toast to this.

 

And I wish I could say,

I forgive you

This Christmas day

Because Jesus

Would want it that way.

 

There’s always next year.