Love and Attraction
We do what we do to attract those we’re attracted to.
We cannot help who we’re attracted to-
Just like we cannot help who we love.
But when we love,
Love truly and completely,
We love across boundaries-
Real and imagined.
We love because of
And in spite of
We love because we wouldn’t want to live life without it.
We love because it’s in our nature to love.
That’s an oldie but goodie poem I wrote back in 2001 or 2002. I bring it up out of the depths because it is still very relevant today. I bring it up because the reverse is also true. We can’t help who were attracted to just like we can’t help who were not attracted to… despite all your hopes weighing in for it to be so because of incredible common interests and compatibility.
I’ve noticed now an alarming trend. I am attracted to people who are not good for me. Holler at me if you are stuck in this dilemma and tell me how do you get out? Why? Time after time fall for the emotionally unavailable, aloof, space cadets or the (not so) borderline abusive? Why not someone sweet, caring, and romantic? Someone just like yourself? But no, you only feel luke warm and angry now that you know that you are so deranged. Don’t you dare blame this on my parents either. No psychoanalytic bs, just need some real talk.
At the very least, I recognize this. I am going to embrace my single time and try healing some more. There have got to be some answers. I turn my ear onto the wind’s breath and sink into the sound of air and spirit tickling my lobe. Erase me. Captivate me in the soothing answers of the clouds and sunlight seeping through my windowsill. Let me know that I am on the right road, that I have done my best. And let that be enough.
Easy now. I beg you. From the rains, there is a stillness. Curl up in that quiet. Listen to the crying, It’s coming from Soul and gut. Never again Will I doubt my own doubt You played me Like a drum and I was so dumb In love and committed As a wife Wearing no ring. My value is Not yours For appraisal. And you’re mad and Angry That these words Make sense, That I could Make sense Here in this canoe. Swim down Albacore Down stream For I will not catch you Again… For I will throw you Back in.