Love and Attraction

Love and Attraction

We do what we do to attract those we’re attracted to.

We cannot help who we’re attracted to-

Just like we cannot help who we love.

But when we love,

Love truly and completely,

We love across boundaries-

Real and imagined.

We love because of

And in spite of

Personal flaws.

We love because we wouldn’t want to live life without it.

We love because it’s in our nature to love.

 

That’s an oldie but goodie poem I wrote back in 2001 or 2002.  I bring it up out of the depths because it is still very relevant today.  I bring it up because the reverse is also true.  We can’t help who were attracted to just like we can’t help who were not attracted to… despite all your hopes weighing in for it to be so because of incredible common interests and compatibility.

I’ve noticed now an alarming trend.  I am attracted to people who are not good for me.  Holler at me if you are stuck in this dilemma and tell me how do you get out?  Why?  Time after time fall for the emotionally unavailable, aloof, space cadets or the (not so) borderline abusive?  Why not someone sweet, caring, and romantic?  Someone just like yourself?  But no, you only feel luke warm and angry now that you know that you are so deranged.  Don’t you dare blame this on my parents either.  No psychoanalytic bs, just need some real talk.

At the very least, I recognize this.  I am going to embrace my single time and try healing some more.  There have got to be some answers.  I turn my ear onto the wind’s breath and sink into the sound of air and spirit tickling my lobe.  Erase me.  Captivate me in the soothing answers of the clouds and sunlight seeping through my windowsill.  Let me know that I am on the right road, that I have done my best. And let that be enough.

Integrity as a process

Integrity.  On Stephen Covey’s video tutorial on the four areas of life (body, heart, mind, spirit), he examines the word “integrity” and links it with the word “integrated”, resulting in a holistic state of being connected.  Are you connected?

I am connecting.  The insight into this take on integrity is the action involved.  It’s not a pious value to be put on a pedestal.  Integrity is an ongoing process of connecting with others everyday.  Living by principles on a daily basis while we interact with the people in our lives is a balancing act.  It’s also the microcosmic process of connecting the four areas of your own life.  This is what I spoke to in my first blog entry as personal synthesis.

I am an introverted extravert, meaning I need to connect and I need time to reflect on my own.  According to the Myers-Brigg personality type system, I am an ENFP.  Here’s the breakdown on the ENFPs: http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP.html.  That’s an outstandingly accurate depiction of me. I tend to have issues with balancing the “me” time and the social time.  (If you haven’t taken the personality test yet to figure out your type, I highly recommend it.  Find out your personality type at this link: http://www.personalitypage.com/home.html.)

Successful people know how crucial relationships are in life.  Some would even say they are the most important aspect of life.  So why do we go lax in our social and professional lives?  Or in our personal lives?  We not only have to nurture these relationships, we have to tend to our relationship with self.

Stephen Covey literally wrote the book on successful people in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  Staying connected within your circle of influence is paramount to keeping your life moving in the right direction.  But there are two aspects of balance at play: the social and the personal.  You can’t function socially to the best of your ability if you are fragmented on a personal scale.

I am pointing these things out for myself but with the intention that it may help others in the process.  I know I need to stay connected.  While “trying my best” is my mantra, I have messed up with people in the past.  Mainly, I’ve withdrawn and gone into my little self-absorption bubble too many times. But that’s what’s so ingenious about looking at integrity as a process.  You admit when you are wrong, try to make amends, and keep moving forward.

“Everything is connected to everything else.” Stephen Covey